Uninspired And Defeated

Its one of those days, we al have them.  You know exactly what I mean. I’m feeling uninspired and defeated.

Ever have one of these days?

Ever have one of these days?

I agreed to participate in NaBloPoMo for the month of November. Just two days shy of the halfway point, I’m really running out of steam. Uninspired. I’ve been putting in a lot of time on posts (usually before the sun comes up, but I’ll touch on that later) but I’m not sure if anyone is listening. I’m not sure if there is a point? I mean my post about Tom Cruise got over TEN times the views that “Feeling Charitable” ( a post on how to donate to reputable charities for NO cost to you) did. I probably would have gotten more views on the Art of Winning if I had featured Charlie Sheen instead of the RA patient who climbed Mt. Everest. That has me feeling a bit defeated.




I have been using the blog as an escape lately, trying to stay positive and trying to encourage others to do the same. Maybe our current circumstances are leaching their way into the blog as well. I’m feeling defeated everywhere else, so it’s natural that it would infiltrate here too right? After all, I’m getting less sleep (getting up early to blog, staying up late with a sick kid) feeling more pressure and uncertainty with BIG changes coming in our personal lives, and on top of it all, my older JA kid has been suffering through a very active disease flare. And everything was going so well. *sigh*

But then, I stop for a minute.

As I scan Google trending news for inspiration (and connect the dots in my head to see if I can somehow connect that to JA) I see news about the Philippines. Can you imagine being there right now? Much less having a sick kid who needs medications? I’m sitting in my warm, cozy, safe home reading about the devastation.

APTOPIX Philippines Typhoon

Now I am humbled.

I’m worried about what I can post today, while they are fighting to survive. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have my children there, with JA, in the middle of a flare. I guarantee you, that with the prevalence of this disease, someone is actually experiencing that there, RIGHT NOW.

I sit here in my home, making my son comfortable with his 103 degree fever, systemic rash and high pain levels- with over five thousand dollars of medication (paid for by my insurance) preserved in my refrigerator that will help keep him from getting worse. What is the Phillippine mother doing, with no refrigerator (to keep meds from going bad) because she has NO MORE HOME?  How can her child cope with the pain and fevers, exposed to the elements instead of curled up on the couch in front of 1000 choices on cable tv?

It’ts not great for us right now, and it’s not easy BUT we are still so very lucky.

We have a place to stay. We have access to healthcare and medications. We are working on a plan to help my son get better. He is ALIVE and with me. Aren’t those the things that matter?  I shouldn’t be uninspired or defeated, I am lucky- maybe even a bit spoiled, in spite of our circumstances.

Uninspired and defeated? Maybe for a few minutes. Everyone deserves a pity party now and again, but it only takes a minute to realize how much worse it could be. Living on the “bright side” makes for a much happier life. Time to get my second cup of coffee and listen to some Nat King Cole… I’m going to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.

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  1. The super typhoon was really devastating. Glad the country is already getting all the help they need.
    Andy Bland recently posted…Auto-Responder.netMy Profile

    • Andy, I agree. I know the pictures we have seen don’t even begin to really capture the level of devastation either. Remembering people who are dealing with tragedy like this, helps keep things in perspective for our own troubles.

  2. I hope you know how far you reach. I look forward to your posts every day. It’s been nice to “connect” with you as I read about your trials and I pick up so many new tricks to managing my childs disease through your experience. You may not be getting the traffic you want but just remember to those of us who need it, you are a blessing. And also, don’t be so hard on yourself. Yeah it can always be worse. But darnit, its a hard, hard thing to go through now. We deal with things other parents can’t even wrap their heads around. We are surviving, and thriving in giving our children the best care possible. On top of raising them to be incredible humans. It’s okay to say it’s hard. Because it is. I personally feel we don’t get the respect and recognition we deserve because other’s don’t know about this disease like they do cancer. We are the quiet warriors, winning the small and big battles and losing our old life, our old friends, sometimes our old family in the process.
    Bless you for what you do!

    • Thanks Emma! ITs nice to know that even if I am not reaching people in droves, the ones that I am find some comfort in what I am doing. That makes it SO worth it! It is hard, really hard, and on more than one occasion, we thought this disease might steal our child from us- no different than cancer. But when people hear JA, they think about the arthritis that the elderly have, NOT pediatric autoimmune disease, or pediatric rheumatic disease. ITs amazing how different the response is when you frame it that way. Like you, we too have lost friends and family who just can’t take it, or don’t want to believe what we are really going through. BUT, this has also shown me who truly loves us, and who our real friends are, so even in that… a silver lining. Thank you for taking time out of your day to comment and reach out to me!

  3. It’s so tough to keep perspective. I listen to my 14 yo complain about her knees hurting so badly, yet she pushed herself to march with her school band in Monday’s Veteran’s Day parade because she won’t give up. Today she has a mild fever and is home from school. But, she’s in our heated home, with electronics to try to take her mind off her pain.

    • Laura, I hear you! This is exactly what I was talking about. When it happens to you (or someone you love) its just that much more intense, and hard not to get lost in those feelings of sadness. But also getting angry or depressed about the situation wont do anything but make us feel worse. Remembering the blessings that we have (in part by recognizing the situations of others less fortunate) gives us a grace that can contribute to our happiness, and the happiness of our children. We hate JA, but at the same time, we are lucky that we are dealing with it from a first world country, and with resources. We hate what it has done to our children physically, but it has strengthened them spiritually, mentally and emotionally. Those are the things that keep me inspired and undefeated!

  4. Yes, I think about the phillipines makes us all feel better about our own circumstances. How awful….

  5. LOL and this “professional writer” has a lot of typos…I forgot to put on my editor’s cap before I hit send on my comment.
    Cheri recently posted…The Living DeadMy Profile

  6. Kim, I love to read posts that either “teach” me something or make me really think. Posts that humble me along with their writer are always going b=to be the best in MY book. That being said, I can totally commiserate. When I write heavy stuff, life changing or enlightening topics rife with research and sources etc…they get the LEAST views/reads than when I post something that is basically asinine. because I worked in media for more than 20-years I get it. I hate it, but I get it. Technology has completely changed how we engage in and process information. Think about, Twitter gives us a whopping 140 characters in which to catch a potential readers attention. Why? Because sadly, the internet has TAUGHT us that’s all we need in order to know everything there is to know. Do you have any idea how many people will hit “like” or “share” on something just because they either thought the title/headline was of their mind or because someone they know passed it on to them or “liked” or “shared” it first. It wasn’t always this way. It has evolved to be this way. Fifteen-years ago, in media, we called it a “microwave society”, meaning people wanted it faster or even “right now” and didn’t want to wait. Fast forward to now, and they don’t have to wait for anything. It sucks. In fact, for me as a professional writer, it double sucks, because as much as I love to hold a book in my hand, smell the paper and turn real pages…the trend is more and more toward electronic reading. I would bet real money that those who read on Kindles etc actually read differently now than they did before such devices were invented. NEVER get discouraged because you and your words will ALWAYS reach SOMEONE. In a lyric from an old Harry Chapin song called, Life Uncommon — that was later covered by Jewel, “We are tired, we are weary, but we aren’t worn out…”
    Cheri recently posted…The Living DeadMy Profile

    • Thank you Cheri, what a pick-me-up to know that I really am being heard! I too realize that this is just the way things are (in terms of media sensationalism being the thing that “grabs” most readers) But I don’t have to like it either! I appreciate the time you took to stop by, actually READ my posts, and make such great comments. You made my day! Thanks!

  7. I can completely relate. The past several months have been the hardest months of our lives as a family, as a married couple, and as a military family. I have so many days lately where I feel uninspired and utterly defeated so that it filters into my blog, my FB postings, and the tone of my conversation… But then… I look at my FB wall or I click on the tv, and I see so many people who are truly hurting, whose struggles I cannot even begin to comprehend… and I think of that song by Carrie Underwood- So Small. I hope your day gets better! And thank you for sharing!

    • Christina, you heard the exact point I was trying to make! I know we all feel that way from time to time (and rightfully so, in many cases) but its so important for our own sanity and mental health to keep things realistic and in perspective. Even if our situation is bad- I know we can always find a few silver linings. Thank you for taking time to comment, and I hope you have a great day too!

  8. I’m with you Kim. I gave up NaBloPoMo because I was tired and feeling defeated. I’m Filipino, though haven’t been there since I was five. It was bad there before the storm. I can’t imagine being there now.

    We’re going through a flare right now. I had to carry my daughter to the rest room because it hurt her to walk. The temperature dropped from 74 last night to 46 right now and she tells me everything hurts today.

    But you inspire me, for what it’s worth 🙂
    Herchel S recently posted…My leg hurts, MommyMy Profile

    • Herchel, I feel ya’. Grant was literally unable to walk on the day it snowed here. Its going to be a long winter. I’m sorry to hear about your daughter, and hope that if you have family left in the Phillippines, everyone made it through ok. I can’t imagine being there period through all this, much less with a sick kid. My heart goes out to them.

      Oh, and thanks for the pep talk. I really did need that this morning!

  9. Totally feel your pain. More hits for Justin Bieber than anything else. Stupid. Post a recipe or an article about a celebrity, everyone reads it. Post about real time families and disease, Not as much.
    Karen @TheMissingNiche.com recently posted…It’s Veterans Day – I’m Spotlighting Servicemen Of Course!My Profile

    • Karen, I wonder if I should just highlight a celebrity acting badly every other day, and somehow twist it back to what I’m REALLY trying to tell people. Seriously, maybe I should rewrite my winning post with Charlie Sheen and THEN blog on the difference between the reactions to the two of them…

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